食事の祈り ― ロバート・バーンズ

「今日の詩」が送ってきたロバート・バーンズの詩である。この詩は訳したことがない。とくにバーンズらしい詩でもない。女性遍歴のつけから扶養家族の多かったバーンズの生活のための詩であろう。

今回のロバート・バーンズの詩はキリスト者の日常の祈りを韻文化したものである。バラッド形式であり、聯をなす二行が８音節と６音節の繰り返しである。私はイギリス国教会の「食事の祈り」を知らない。見つけて比較した意と思っている。バーンズが神に美味を感謝したとしたら、彼はハギスにありついたのだろうか。

A Grace Before Dinner

O thou who kindly dost provide
For every creature's want!
We bless Thee, God of Nature wide,
For all Thy goodness lent:

And if it please Thee, Heavenly Guide,
May never worse be sent;
But, whether granted, or denied,
Lord, bless us with content.

Amen!

Robert Burns (1759-1796)

食事の祈り

ああ汝は生きとし生ける物の
欲する糧を恵み給う！
創造主よ、我ら汝の良き糧を
感謝し、汝を祝福せん。

天を導く汝、この祈りを嘉し給えば
これより悪しき糧を送り給うな。
たとえこの願い叶わずとも
我らに心よりの祝福を与え給え。

アーメン！

ロバート・バーンズ(1759-1796)

[francophile762004]

Good morning. Thank you very much for your good comments. You are right. I will try to reduce my French version into 4 lines, because in Sijo, 4 lines and regular forms are very important. My French version does bot follow at all these forms and lines. When I translate Sijo into French, I do not know which is the most important..Meaning? Forms and lines? or rhythems of last leetrs?

[francophile762004]

These 3 elemets are all important, but, in translation, especially translation asian language into european or western languages with very different languistique structures, it seems very difficul for me. That's why translation of poems is highly difficult. Thank you very much again for your opinions which help me. I will try again. :)

[fminorop34]

Good Morning!

Firstly you can decide the length of your poem. The original text has 7 Kanji, that is, ' syllabic. I have found 7-syllabic English poem is not long enough. My friend kindly suggest the standard(average) poem has the 10 syllabic. I have no Frech-majored friend. French poems may be shorter than English in terms of syllable, I guess.

[fminorop34]

Burns followed a special type of poem, ballad. The first line with 8 syllables must be followed by one with 6 syllables. 8 6 6 6 /8 6 8 6. But I recommend you to try 10 10 10 10 syllables poem. If it sound redundant, you can reduce it into 8 8 8 8.

[fminorop34]

You don't need to keep one-to-one correspondence between the original and your poet. For example the original text begin with Taishan. But you don't have to follow. You can end with Taishan. And more you can refer to Taishan just by le Mont. If you title Mont Taishan, Taishan must not always appear in your poem. Mont looks attractive with many rhyming couples.

[fminorop34]

Le Printemps
(une version moderne)

Le temps a laiss?? son manteau
De vent, de froidure et de pluie,
Et s'est v??tu de broderies,
De soleil luisant, clair et beau.

Il n'y a b??te ni oiseau
Qu'en son jargon ne chante ou crie :
Le temps a laiss?? son manteau !

Rivi??re, fontaine et ruisseau
Portent, en livr??e jolie,
Gouttes d'argent, d'orf??vrerie,
Chacun s'habille de nouveau :
Le temps a laiss?? son manteau.

[fminorop34]

Spring
(the English version)

The year has changed his mantle cold
Of wind, of rain, of bitter air;
And he goes clad in cloth of gold,
Of laughing suns and season fair;
No bird or beast of wood or wold
But doth with cry or song declare
The year lays down his mantle cold.
All founts, all rivers, seaward rolled,
The pleasant summer livery wear,
With silver studs on broidered vair;
The world puts off its raiment old,
The year lays down his mantle cold.

[fminorop34]

I introduce two poems. The first is the French original, which was translated successfully. The last words are classified into two groups:

1. cold, gold, wold(woods), rolled, old

2. air fair declare wear vair

All the words are English favorite words.

[francophile762004]

Thank you! Owing to your exemples, I can understand my French version's problems. First, as you told me, I will try to reduce My French version and I will think of words with rhyming. It is very difficult for me, but I will try. Merci beaucoup!

[fminorop34]

Likewise French text is classified

1. manteau beau oiseau ruisseau nouveau

2. pluie broderies crie jolie d'orfevrerie

[fminorop34]

The English translation is successful, in that the English version represents the French authors intention well. This is very rare case.

But you can realize that the English version is far from "literally translated". No correspondence between the two works.

[fminorop34]

Yes, reduction of the lines will be your first work.

[francophile762004]

Good morning! Are you having a nice weekend? Thank you very much for your helpful comments. I am thinking in order to reduce my translated lines of sijo. Translating into French Sijo is difficult but interesting and I can learn more and more various vocabularies. And in order to understand Original text of Sijo written in Old Hangul, I research a dictionary. It is also interesting that vocabularies of Old Hangul and vocabularies of Actual Hangul are a little different.

[fminorop34]

Good morning! And I am delighted to know that your sister has started her career as a writer. I envy you and your sister. Best regard to your Ms Lee ??.

Yes, it was very tough for me to translate the Chinese classic. It was time-consuming. After long trial and error, I can finish one quatrain in half a day now. I would like to encourage to challenge the Korean classic.

[francophile762004]

Thank you very much for your kind commet. My sister has envied France and Europe where cafe culture and talking about life, art, philosophie is practiced in cafes, so she would like to contribute to developping of "intellectual" and "raffine cafe or tea culture " in Seoul.

[francophile762004]

I envy of your knowledge on poems. I am sure that you will translate very well the Chinese classic and the Korean classic. :)
If I finish my busy work, I will start again to study poems.

[fminorop34]

I wonder if my English book by female French author is translated into Korean. The author is Marie-French Boyer "The French Cafe"

[fminorop34]

Our comments are crossed.

One year later, you will translate any Korean quatrain in one hour

[francophile762004]

Thank you. I checked, but I think that The French Cafe is not yet translated into Korean. I am very interested in this kind of book. :)

[fminorop34]

Very nice book! I think it is not translated yet. But many publishing company may hesitate its translated version. This book with nice photographs, is fashionable. However, people do not always read 'fashionable' book. It is something of interior items. It will be on the bookshelf in the living room.