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Dear M
Why did we meet again? Did we really meet by accident? The fate was always cruel just the same as ever. If I stopped to see my watch, and took one step slowly? If you couldn’t change the train from express to local? Everything was piled up, and something over human knowledge happened to make us meet.
I heard you said “Hi!”,but I didn’t reply at all. I was just stunned, and opened my eyes wide. I just watched that you were sucked into the crowd. Of course you did notice I didn’t notice you. Why did you leave me in peace?
On my way home, when I was in the bus, your mobile mail arrived at my mobile phone.
“Nice to meet you. I’m sorry I was in a rush!”
It’s very simple as you used to be.
“Aren’t you furious? I can’t believe…”
“Don’t worry”
“Next week, I’ll go to England, your mother country. Is there anything you want? I want to apologize to you, but I don’t have even the right…”
“I don’t want anything in England. I hope you’ll have a good time in England.”
Now your kindness really hurts me. I read your mail with tears in my eyes, because I seriously betrayed you. It’s not me, it’s you that was anxious surrounded by the foreigners, Japanese. You’re a foreigner, so sometimes you might feel lonely like you were the only one in the world.
Listen, I hear through the wall my family talked about me as a worthless person. They treat me kindly, but it’s just the surface. They hide their malice in their mind, and share it with everyone except me.
Everyone denied me, but only you didn’t deny me. You were the only one who understood me.
Sometimes I feel I lose my reality, and my world is beginning to collapse. I don’t understand the borderline with others, so I’m going to melt into others, others are going to melt into me.
My mind is like a glass of water that is cracked, so however much the glass is filled, the water begins to leak out from the crack. But you tried to fill me. I thought I tried to get back the confidence to the world.
Are there other possibilities we had different destinies? I was born in England, lived around Manchester, met you, fallen love with you, and we have our children now. The first child’s name might be Alice. She might live in Wonderland like me. Everybody might know her face, because she might look at everybody, of course laughing.
The winter will come soon in Japan. No matter how much it will snow and even if it will be piled up, my sin won’t disappear.
Your memory, not memory, it’s the scar, continue to stay in my mind forever more.
Sincerely,
M
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